HIDE your face (kyonomiko) wrote,
HIDE your face

  • Mood:

I feel groooosssss

I lifted today. I didn't finish my squat set because I was feeling really nauseous. I haven't lifted in about two weeks. I fell off my diet hardcore. I purposefully went off it the week before AFest because I was way too stressed to keep up with it, and keep slaving over that sewing machine as much as I did.

After Afest, I had no excuse. I just didn't do it. I got lazy. I had too many junk food leftovers from the con. I did bring healthy food to the convention, like carrot sticks and apples, but I only ate one or two apples during the trip, and didn't even touch the carrots. I brought healthy bread, and had sandwiches, but the death of me has been the piles and piles of leftover chips and fruit snacks. On top of that, I haven't been paying much attention to anything else I've eaten aside from breakfast. I'm doing breakfast right every day. After that, it goes to hell.

I got sick a few days ago and had to run to the doctor for some antibiotics, and I've just used that as another excuse. I feel gross. I feel sick. I don't feel like doing it.
But even though I'm still finishing my course of antibiotics, I feel way better, and I have no excuse now.
I asked Matt to badger me until I got it done today, and he did. That means the day after tomorrow, I need to do weights again. After a full week of being on track, if I can get the diet in line, I need to try to add some cardio with the bike for endurance and circulatory health.

It's really discouraging that I'm having such a hard time sticking to things this far in. I know it works, but I haven't been able to stick to it. The maddening thing for me, at least, is that it's not that hard to do. It's not too much to do. It's just a question of doing it, and somthing deep down inside is sabotoging myself again and again. I'm getting really frustrated, and I keep feeling like I'm on the brink of giving up. I don't want to do that, because I know if I give up, I'll crash hardcore, binge, gain a bunch of weight back, and hate myself even more. I can keep the weight off. I don't have to go back to the size I was before. I need some extra motivation from god knows where to progress further, though.

After the con, I can say I gained about a pound or two in my two weeks of absolutely negligant eating and no exercise.
Not major enough for me to freak out, and easy enough to drop if I can stay with the diet, but the question is.. can I?

I've gotten to the point where it's very tempting to rest on my laurels and take a "break," which I know will turn to indefinite binging and unhealthy eating. I was losing weight even when I did have 1 pizza day every month or two. That's moderation I can live with, but for some reason all I want right now are burgers and all sorts of crap. In my head, I know it's because my protein/carb ratio is out of whack, and I've been eating too many carbs and refined sugars, causing me to crave those fats and fatty proteins... but when I walk into the kitchen, it's so so so so so hard to get the brain to overwrite the stomach at that point when it comes to food choices.

I can't do what I'm doing now until I get to my target weight. The struggling I've been doing to stay within moderation is somthing I can live with when I'm maintaining. Not when I have so much further to go. :(

I did my weights today. Maybe I can get diet to fall into place tomorrow. Then weights again. Then weight loss again. I hope.


    Yaaaay! The con is over! Time to get ready for the next one! Sometimes, twitter just cannot contain all the things I want to say about a subject.…

  • Oh wow, I haven't blogged in forever!

    I kind of forget about Livejournal now. It feels so empty that I've joined a bunch of communities, but it's not really helping! Since November,…

  • November is almost over already?!?!

    I've really enjoyed not having anything important to do for a while. I've been cleaning (a little bit), quilting (a lot, but in short bursts), and…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.