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03 April 2009 @ 01:11 am
Thoughts on appetite, nutrition, etc. No emo whining this time, I promise  
So I guess this is month 2 of the "Holyfuckshit" diet? Maybe it's been closer to 3 weeks since I was basically given an ultimatum from my doc to lower my tryglycerides. Since then, I've been putting forth a lot more effort into maintaining my 40%/40%/20% of protein/carbs/fat, and cutting out all sugars, white flour, soda, fast food, etcetcetc. To be fair, I haven't drunk any kind of soda regularly in 3+ years, though.

Remarkably, I've been able to stick with it.

There have been some really rough days where I just want to binge on junk food, or I really want that bowl of ice cream or handful of chocolates. On those days, I usually end up caving and having a little bit of somthing. The days of me grazing on unhealthy things throughout the day have ended, though. I've found that my body really does just like to snack throughout the day, and it's not worth punishing myself over it if I'm eating very small ammounts of healthy things. If I can keep my "meals" between 280-380 calories, I have plenty of room to have 20 cals of sugar free jello, or 2 plums, or an orange, or apple, or handful of chicken, a cheesestick, a small bowl of cottage cheese.. whatever! If I can keep the variety in the fridge, and keep coming back to the fruit instead of the candy, the cold teas instead of the sodas, etc, I should be in better shape.

Sometimes I find myself completely satisfied and NOT HUNGRY for a whole day.. for the first time in years! It's absolutely shocking to me.

I have also noticed that on those really bad days where I end up caving in and eating somthing unhealthy, I feel like binging on it. On those bad days, when I cave, I notice it's much harder to stop craving that junk once I get a taste of it.

Today, I made the mistake of putting some butter in some mashed potatoes I was making for lunch. Lunch was 1/2 chicken breast, pan seared with some lemon pepper and lime juice (one of my favorite ways to cook is quickly) along with about a cup of steamed brussel sprouts, and 3/4 cup mashed potatoes. Once I had those potatoes, I just wanted to eat the rest of them. I made enough for 3-4 servings throughout the week. I didn't eat the rest, but I WANTED to. And after I finished dinner, I wanted dessert immediately, and I wanted ice cream.

I had a skinny cow ice cream sandwich. They're 150 cal, made with skim milk, and overall not too bad for ice cream, but there were still a LOT better things I could have eaten. And I still wanted more.

When I realized my calorie overage just for lunch, though, it meant I had to cut out dinner, and supplement that with a lot of little healthy snacks to make sure my calories for the day were not too high XP I managed that with two more plums, a handful of chicken lunch meat, and this weirdass melon thing spread throughout the rest of the day.

And you know what? I'm doing ok.
I am almost afraid to be positive about this at all, because I'm so afraid of failing. I'm afraid that every time I manage to find a bit of courage or hope or willpower, I eventually fail again, and it's that much harder to try somthing new. I'm going on solid math, and attempting to work out a calorie deficit that should cause me to lose weight no matter what... but I'm still afraid of failing.

I hit the gym monday, lifted weights tues, missed the gym weds (but lifted weights instead), and lifted today also. Tomorrow I need to hit the gym and weigh myself. If I can lose even 3 lbs and keep it off, I'll be lighter than I've been in 2 years. Mostly because my weight has been consistantly the same for 2 years, but hey :X

I took lots of pictures of this weird melon so I could show it to everyone after I figure out which card reader works. It's called a Kiwano. It's also called a jelly melon. It's a relative of the cucumber. It's bright orange and spikey all over, and the inside is filled with green jelly-like sacs, suspending seeds in the middle. You cut it in half, scoop the sacs into a bowl, and suck them up through your teeth so that the seeds are seperated, and you can just spit them out. They are really bizzare. It took a good hour to eat, too XD
I immediately noticed that after I cut it open, it smelled a lot like a green (unripe) banana. The flavor was similar to that too. It didn't leave that bizzare starchy feeling in your mouth, though. It was tangy, but not too sour. It had the faintest hint of sweetness, and mostly just tasted like a green banana. Since I love greenish-bananas, I thought it was great. I think I'll stick to the bananas, though, because while they arn't as much fun, they don't take an hour to eat :P

I fully expect to put on some muscle from the SRS BSNS weight training I'm learning, and if I can keep with it I hope to become a fat burning machine. It's too soon to tell how things will go. If I had to take a stab at it, I'd have to say that my hunger/appetite problems on my bad days come from and improper 40/40/20 ratio that day. If I end up craving fat or whatever, I suppose I'll be more prone to wanting to binge on fatty foods, etc. That seems obvious, but I'm wondering if it's from just improper ratios overall.
Most of the time, I want to binge on fats/carbs. I wonder if this is because I wasn't getting enough protein, and I was craving those foods to make up the deficit in other ways.

Strangely, I found myself wanting oatmeal earlier today. Maybe I'll have that for breakfast tomorrow instead of my regular shredded wheat. I really love brown sugar on my oatmeal, though. I need to find a compromise. I don't think I can eat plain oatmeal :X
1sheep1sheep on April 3rd, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
plain oatmeal is freakin gross, lol, and also I've heard that snacking thru the day (on healthy stuff) is actually better than 3 large meals~ Keeps your blood sugar level throughout the day. As long as you keep your major meal portions a bit smaller to compensate. ^^
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 3rd, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
I can handle plain oatmeals with a little salt as long as I add butter... but I'm staying away from the butter as much as possible. So I have to wonder.. what is worse? Honey, Maple Syrup, or brown sugar? XP

For a while, I was doing plain oatmeal with a handful of frozen blueberries tossed in, but the blueberries were pretty tart and I still added the brown sugar
1sheep1sheep on April 3rd, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
Hmm, I don't know if this is any better for what you are looking for, but I like agave nectar. It's mainly sugar, just like those other things, but it doesn't raise your blood sugar in the same way, so it's considered a better alternative... and it's very yummy. But I don't know enough about diet and nutrition to know if it helps with what you are going for.
(Anonymous) on April 4th, 2009 01:49 pm (UTC)
I use Smart Balance light. It tastes just like butter, but it is full of healthy things. Smart balance also has a butter and smart balance mix. I don't use that though. Splenda has a brown sugar mix that is lower in sugar than all brown sugar. I would think a small amount in oatmeal would not add much in calories.

Also remember that with all the weights, you are building muscle and that weighs more than fat.
Keep up the good work.
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 5th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
Re: Butter
I have a small tub of the smart balance light. I'd heard a lot of good things about it as a substitute for butter/margerine. I haven't tried cooking with it yet, but I hate it :( It doesn't melt on toast and it tastes really funky
(Anonymous) on April 5th, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Butter
The light doesn't cook well, I like the regular and use that. It has so many good things in it, that it kind of makes up for the few bad things. You do need to have some good oils each day. It also works well for baking and cooking.
when_im_sixty4when_im_sixty4 on April 9th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
Maybe try some alternative sweeteners with some cinnamon or something similar for your oatmeal fix? I like raisins in mine, but nobody else seems to like them but me = ( Just another reason I'm a total weirdo, I guess...