HIDE your face (kyonomiko) wrote,
HIDE your face
kyonomiko

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Oh, yeah, that holiday stuff

I got some serious nastiness cleaned out of the bathroom yesterday, and I'm still happy about it. The counter was just dirty.. dust and toothpaste droplets, and nasty stuff like that. But.. now every time I go in, it looks sparkling and white and clean <3 I think if I could clean off the computer desk, I'd be happy for however long that managed to last.

I need to put up the Christmas tree. I don't like doing it by myself, though, because it takes longer, and it's kind of lonely. I think Akuma's only been able to help me with it once, because of work, and I've had freinds help me put it up once or twice before. But still. We have freinds and family, and I consider Akuma& myself a family. But the holidays still feel a little lonely when it's just the two of us. It just feels like another day with Akuma& Kyo, you know? I think his parents are coming to visit this year. They visited last year, too, and it was nice. But gooddamn they are hard to shop for.

Anyway... it got me thinking about my parents. I wish we didn't al llive so far apart. All of us are really bad about keeping in touch, and it's for no good reason at all. I'd like to see my dad more. We used to be really close when I was still living at home, and he's in Houston now with no family members really close by. I mean.. I'm kind of alone up here, but R-kun is close enough to visit every few months.. and my other brother still lives with my mom. And R-kun goes down to visit them on the occasions he needs cheap liquor from mexico.. hahah
But anyway...
I know the divorce happened because neither were able to persue happiness the way things were. I just don't know how things got like that. I mean.. I know dad hated it down there, and mom liked it. And I know mom would want to go out and do froofy stuff like dinner parties with freinds, etc, and I imagine dad had no interest in that... and there wern't enough brain cells in the valley to give one to every person that lives down there, and dad was frustrated with that. But I remember when we were little, and we moved to Texas to let mom persue her dream of teaching... That changed everything, you know? Mom was stay-at-home, taking care of us when we were very little. Dad traveled a lot for work. Now Mom wasn't at home much, and dad was trying to figure out what he wanted to do next..
I don't know where I'm going with this... but sometimes I think about why they arn't together anymore, and I get confused. They used to be so affectionate together, and then one day dad moves out, and a year or two later, they get a divorce. I used to be so vainly PROUD that I had parents that hadn't divorced, when it seemed like everyone in both my extended families had done that at least once, and a lot of my freinds had step-parents. I used to think "Hey.. I've got somthing pretty rare here, and it's awesome." I'm thankful that they didn't fight or yell or scream all the time when we were growing up.. but because I never saw any of that, it just made it more confusing when they did divorce.

And... it also makes me worry about myself& Akuma. We don't really fight. We're pretty affectionate, etc. And I'm happy with our relationship together. But there are some things that we just don't have in common. It's not a big deal now, but what about 10 years down the road? Are we just going to suddenly split up? He doesn't like doing some of the things I like to.. like going to museums and watching foreign movies and there are a lot of things I like to listen to that he probably really hates.. heh.. And he's willing to do anything for the sake of my happiness. What if that drives us apart later and I don't even see it coming? I hate not being in on the "big secret" everyone knows but me. It really pisses me off. It makes me feel stupid. And I would really hate myself if somthing happened between Akuma& myself and I didn't even see it coming.
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