HIDE your face (kyonomiko) wrote,
HIDE your face
kyonomiko

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Who am I?

Lately my isolation from the world and my lack of direction have been depressing me. School starts up again Monday.. and I have to take a Bio& a lab this semester.. I'll be pretty busy. That's good, because I need another distraction. If I spend all my time in class taking notes and "learning," perhaps I can forget that I don't know who I am anymore. It's hard to explain. I can affirm myself without others, but I've felt invisible as of late. People ignore what I say.. don't answer my questions.. I feel like I'm fading away. I've been trying so hard to do *somthing*.....but it's been discouraging. I haven't gotten any feedback on my website, or my "art" (a term used very loosely) and it's getting frustrating. I need to preorder my A-kon stuff.. but the A-kon people haven't posted the winners of the online contests yet, so I have no clue if I won or not. I'd like to think I have, but I don't have any confidence in myself right now. My email boxes are empty and the days have been blending together lately as well. I've spent whole days moving through the haze you wake up in, and go to sleep without every shaking off the previous night's dreams. I feel like I could drown in them. I wonder what would happen if I did? My DeG cd is also absorbing me, and I'm drowning in Kyo... but it's very welcome and pleasant. I wish that I had someone to talk to when I feel like coming up for air.. but everyone is either still on vacation, or wrapped up in their own lives... including Matt. When I get frustrated and give up trying to talk to him for a while, he gets grouchy and wants to know why I'm "disgusted" with him.. as he puts it. I'm not.. I just don't want to waste my time on somthing fruitless. That about summs up my attitude for the past week. I want to do somthing worthwhile, but I'm getting no reassurance, and everything seems pointless...
Existance is painful. Huzzah for emotion.
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