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07 April 2008 @ 05:34 am
Today is the day  
Today is my first day at the new gym. We checked it out last week, and they gave us a week free trial. We had to schedule our first day, though, because they wanted to make sure they had two trainers to help us learn all the machines. I feel pretty good about this. If I can keep it up, I can totally meet my short-term goal by Sept. Half of the battle is making sure we both get out 3 times a week. The other half is convincing myself to kick it into gear and either go more, or supplement my workout with free weights& bike at home. If I'm doing something at least 5 times a week, I think I will be in good shape.

Hell, I won't feel embarrassed at my physical next Jan if I can drop 40 lbs by then. I hate getting scolded and it feels like so much of my life so far has been full of scolding because I am lazy and unmotivated. Scolding totally doesn't motivate me. I just sit at home and feel a deep seated sense of shame and self loathing instead :X So let's avoid that and drop some weight :O

I decided a few months ago that I didn't want to get my tattoo until I'd reached a weight I was happy with, so it's just a little extra incentive to help me try to stay on track. The sad thing is, it was really hard for me to try to think of a good reward that wasn't food. I think part of my problem is being used to food rewards. I'm like an animal, but I think of it in terms of...
If I do X, what rare food can I eat?
In actuality, it's not really rare food, but stuff I don't get to eat that often that tastes really really good XD Like steaks, sushi, ice cream.. ooh.. a good rare one is the frozen custard from the local place on Valley Mills. We actually only get that a few times a year.

But.. you see what I mean? XP

Anyway.. I cleaned out the fridge& freezer and got rid of all the stuff that looked expired or disgusting and it's really pretty empty. I need to hit the store within the next day or two.. and that will be the real test. Can I make it out of the grocery store without buying a lot of extra junk? It'll be hard, since the house is out of food and I'll probably be going there hungry. lawl

Anyway, I'm strangely nervous about tomorrow.. it's probably because of my own personal trepidation about being able to actually DO this. I'm glad that you guys are there for me on this, and I fully expect you guys to yell at me if I fall off the horse. Makoto knows that sympathy doesn't really work on me because I eat it up and roll around feeling sorry for myself. But encouraging words and yelling at me if miss a few days will probably do wonders XD

It's a little scary, because I have to keep reminding myself that this is a lifelong change to a better body.. not something I can just do until I drop some weight and then forget about. Otherwise I'll just end up the same lardbeast I am now, afraid to visit my dad because of what he'll say about my weight next XP I really want to buckle down and do this and make the outside match the inside
 
 
Current Mood: nervousnervous
 
 
 
yurikago: pupeyurikago on April 7th, 2008 03:12 pm (UTC)
I wrote a long reply to your last entry but never posted because I felt it sounded too intimidating and confident and not helpful enough.. ^^;
But I just want you to know that I have learned a lot about nutrition recently from my doctors, and that I have a similar lack of motivation problem, and most importantly, that I am here for you and know you can do it! And if you want to talk some time about health, eating, food dependencies, etc, then we should chat on gchat or aim or something. <3 My name at gmail is 1sheep, and at aim, nobuco.
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 7th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)
Aww, you should have posted it anyway :D I know I may not always reply, but I always read and seriously consider everything you have to say :) Through the last book you suggested to me, I was able to change my eating habits drastically.. and while I wasn't losing weight directly because of it, I know that my weight has been stable for the past two years. I've gone up and down by about 5 lbs, which is normal.. and I haven't really gained anything in that period of time. For the most part, my bloodwork has been really good, too. My cholesterol is a little higher than it should be, and I know this will clear up if I can lose the weight.
My aim is the same as my LJ name. I added you to my buddy list a loooooong time ago, but I never leave AIM on so I forget about it sometimes, and don't really use it that often :X
Makoto: rebecca-chan ganbare!kinomakoto on April 7th, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
You can do it!! [cheers]

My mom has been doing really well lately, thanks to Curves. She started going there 3x a week, and following their high-protein diet (Dad's doing the diet too, which helps a lot I'm sure), and she's down to around 200. Another 10 pounds and she'll no longer be clinically "obese", which is a super goal and I hope she can make it down to that. :D So while gyms make me kinda nervous too, I know it's really working for my mother so I approve!
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 8th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
Hopefully it will work out for me, too :D I haven't started the 6 week diet plan. It's an extra hundred bucks and they're in the middle of the program's classes.. so I'd be paying 100 to come in late. I might try it later, though. The lady we talked to said that the classes pretty much outlined what was already in the 5 dollar book you can buy with membership, so maybe I'll just do that :X Bwaha
The Man in Blackantieden on April 8th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC)
This is really off-topic, but you're the only other one I know that's done it~

Cornelia's crazycape, did you do 9 on the top and bottom, or 9 on the top/10 on the bottom? For the petals? I'm counting different numbers in different references XD
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 8th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
I haven't made my cape yet :( I didn't finish by Expo, even though I bought all the fabric >:O

I think I was planning on doing 9/10, though, IIRC

If you look at it, It would look best with one big petal behind the head instead of a blank space behind the head, so if you spaced 10 out evenly, you wouldn't have one in the middle. I was planning on 9 so that if you spaced them out, the tallest one would be right behind the head.

For the bottom, though, 10 would be easiest because if you spaced them out easily, you wouldn't have to worry about the curves all lining up on the tops of the little petals.

But yeah, I put a lot of thought into it and never got the chance to make it :( I even had everything figured out for how I wanted to get it all to stand up, etc.
I had to specially order the white PVC vinyl, so damn it.. I'm going to make it... some day.. XD
The Man in Blackantieden on April 9th, 2008 12:15 am (UTC)
Somehow I thought you did! 8D & really, PVC? I'm not sure what I'm making mine out of yet, I hadn't even considered vinyl :x

But that's a great idea - 9 on top for the head. Crazy~


Thanks, love :D
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 9th, 2008 12:20 am (UTC)
Yeah, I decided pretty early on that I thought white pvc gloves& boots would look hot, so I bought a pair of white elbow-length PVC gloves and cut the tops to have that curve on them.. backed with craft foam for stiffness. I did the same with the shoes, but instead of paying the extra cash for knee high stretch vinyl boots, I bought some mary-jane type heels and made bootcovers out of some of the vinyl I bought for the cape.
And as for the cape... I just figured since I thought everything else looked like vinyl, the cape would look best if it matched. I have a nice royal blue taffeta for the lining. It looked like it was lined in blue in the pics I saw at any rate... But really, this was done for two reasons.
1- With the taffeta, the vinyl wouldn't need any interfacing or stiffener, and everything would drape just right
2- I really REALLY wanted it to make swishy noises
The Man in Blackantieden on April 9th, 2008 04:17 am (UTC)
OOoh! Yeah, I got some white pleather - I'm making the gloves/bootcovers out of that .. I wonder if white pleather would be too heavy/look odd? but I'd have to find a white that matches the just-off-white of th pleather.. THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

Oh god, I LOVE taffetta XD; This sounds amazing, I kinda wish I was going to AX this year so that I could see it in action!!
HIDE your facekyonomiko on April 11th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
It's ok, because I'm totally not going to AX this year either :X lol!

Actually, with any luck I won't be making the cloak because the costume won't fit anymore due to amazing weight loss :O I would feel ok wasting the money on that PVC if that was the case :P Then again, there's nothing wrong with the gloves& boots, I suppose I could always take the pants in. The jacket gave me a lot of trouble, though XP I'll have to see where things stand by August. The only con I'm really planning on going to this year is Afest in Dallas, so I'll have to see what fits then. haha!
The Man in Blackantieden on April 11th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
XD!

Whoo! Go go, I'm rooting for you :D & you look cool in it, so hopefully taking it in won't be too hard :3